


In A Hundred Worlds (I'd find you and I'd choose you)

by noangelsinthegarrison



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Angel Dean, Doctor Castiel, Firefighter Dean, Fluff, Human Castiel, M/M, Parallel Universes, Soldier Castiel, Soldier Dean, Teacher Castiel, Teacher Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-22
Updated: 2014-02-22
Packaged: 2018-01-13 10:25:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1222861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noangelsinthegarrison/pseuds/noangelsinthegarrison
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s like a drug, this magical wardrobe, a compulsion. Four universes, he’s seen now. Four Deans who love him, who'll kiss him when his own will not. And he doesn't know if they're real, if these universes truly exist somewhere out there, or if they're just showing him what he wants to see but he's not even sure he really cares. </p><p>He takes a shaky breath and climbs through again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In A Hundred Worlds (I'd find you and I'd choose you)

**Author's Note:**

> “And I’d choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find you and I’d choose you.”  
> \- Keirsten White, _The Chaos Of Stars_
> 
> Originally posted on [my tumblr](http://forgetmenotcas.tumblr.com/)

**(Day 1)**

When Sam and Dean fall, rather ungracefully, through the old mahogany doors of the weird mysterious-looking wardrobe they find in the bunker, Dean lies face down on the floor wondering why the hell they hadn’t just asked Cas to translate the inscription across the top.

Seriously, he’s definitely getting too old for this shit. Why they had thought it would be a good idea to get into the damn thing and ‘see if it did anything cool’ he’ll never know because now, knowing their luck, they’re probably about to be eaten or something.

Sam groans and rolls over onto his back and Dean lifts himself up onto his elbows. A little bit of the tension across his shoulders eases when he sees that they’re in exactly the same room, the wardrobe just behind them with the door still wide open.

“Uh…” Sam says, looking around warily, “What are the chances it’s just a normal wardrobe?”

Dean opens his mouth but before he can even take a breath, the door is opening and Cas’s head is peering at them in bewilderment.

“What is going on?” He asks, stepping around the door and over towards them, frowning in the sort of fond confusion that Dean refuses to admit is kind of adorable. In any case, Dean lets out a sigh of relief and from the corner of his eye he sees Sam’s shoulders relax a little. Cas is here. Maybe the wardrobe _is_ normal.

Dean grins and grasps Cas’s outstretched hand, letting himself be pulled onto his feet, but the smile freezes pretty quickly because _woah_ _holy shit personal space_. Cas still has hold of his hand, and he’s pulled Dean so close their chests are practically touching. He reaches up and Dean’s pretty sure Sam’s eyes are popping out of his head from where he’s still lying on the floor because Cas is combing the dust from his hair with an affectionate smile on his face.

Dean can’t move. No honestly, he’s pretty sure Abaddon could come crashing through the door right now and he still wouldn’t be able to close his mouth or step away. Cas is carding long, gentle fingers through his hair now, as if it’s the most normal thing in the world and he’s rolling his eyes at Dean like _he’s_ the one acting strangely.

"Whatever you were doing has made you filthy, Dean Winchester." Cas says with shining eyes, completely oblivious to the shocked expressions on the brothers’ faces, "You better have a shower before bed, we already changed the sheets three times this week."

He winks and Dean goes bright red.

Did Cas just _wink_ at him? Did Cas just _flirt_? And more importantly, did Cas just imply what he thinks he implied because Dean is 100% sure he would have remembered if they had done _that_.  If they had done that _three times this week._ He finally manages to lean away from the hand in his hair and sends a pleading, terrified look at Sam, whose jaw is almost on the floor, but his head snaps back to Cas again when he feels warm fingers thread between his own, as if they’ve been doing it their whole life.

"Uh Cas-" Dean starts but Cas suddenly frowns and lifts their entwined hands up to his face to stare accusingly at Dean’s left hand.

"Where’s your ring?"

_What the fuck?_

"My  _what?”_ Dean asks, and okay now he’s _really_ starting to wonder what kind of weirdo world he just fell into. From somewhere to his left, Sam actually  _gasps_.

Cas’s grip on his hand tightens and  _shit_  he looks  _really fucking mad._

"Your  ** _ring_** _ **,**_ Dean.” He growls, gesturing to a simple gold band on his own ring finger and before Dean can do anything other than stare at it with wide eyes, Sam surges forward suddenly and claps Dean on the back with the world’s biggest shit-eating grin.

"You mean his  _wedding ring_ , Cas?” He says, ignoring the murderous look Dean throws him and the irritated one from Cas.

"Of course, Sam."

"The one  _you_  put on his finger?”

Cas looks at Sam like he’s gone completely mad, “Obviously.”

"The one he totally cried over?"

"Hey!" Dean offers weakly, heart beating a mile a minute, and Cas’s expression momentarily softens as he smiles lovingly up at him. Dean blushes even darker.

"Yes, Sam." Cas sighs, looking very much like he is getting tired of their shit, "His wedding ring. Where is it?"

Dean coughs uncomfortably, "Cas, we’re not-"

"He’s getting it engraved!" Sam steps on Dean’s foot and both he and Cas turn to look at Sam with nothing but confusion on their faces.

"What?"

"Yeah, he uh, wanted it to be a surprise but uh…yeah. He sent it off just now. You know…" Sam sends a brief glance upwards like a prayer, "For your anniversary."

And thank whatever God still exists because Cas completely fucking  _melts._

"You did?" He asks, eyes bright and watery as he stares at him and Dean finds he really  _really_  doesn’t want to wipe that expression off his face. Like _ever_. So he shrugs, kind of awkwardly, and lets out a breathy chuckle.

"Uh, yeah. I, uh… surprise."

And then Cas is flinging his arms around Dean’s neck and kissing him so thoroughly that Dean can’t help but melt right into it. Before he can even process what’s happening, his arms are wrapped around Cas’s waist and he’s sucking Cas’s tongue into his mouth with a whimper and it’s so unbelievably awesome that for all of five seconds, Dean forgets his moose of a baby brother is standing right there next to them. He is harshly reminded, however, when he feels firm hands on his arms, prizing them away from Cas’s warm body and physically dragging him back into the wardrobe. Dean only opens his eyes in time to catch a glimpse of Cas looking flushed and dazed, before Sam shuts the door behind them and everything goes black.

When they stumble back into their own universe, Dean’s lips are swollen and his hair is all over the place and his face is so red Sam can’t help but double over laughing.

Dean wants to glare at him, but seconds later Cas appears at the door, drawn by Sam’s loud laughter, and Dean can’t do anything but blush even harder and try to ignore the tears that start streaming down Sam’s face.

"What is going on?" Cas asks, head tilted and eyes flickering between them.

"Oh nothing," Sam gasps between breaths, "Dean just came out of the closet."

*

**(Day 8)**

It takes eight incredibly awkward days of avoiding Cas for Dean to notice that actually Cas is avoiding him right back. Or at least, he assumes that’s why Cas hasn’t shown his face for pretty much an entire week.

After the whole mortifying incident with the wardrobe (which Sam still hasn’t let him forget by the way), Dean’s been  _really_ trying not to think about maybe sneaking back to that other world and spending a few hours just being  _happy_  for a change. Because there’s no way he’s taking that chance. Sam’s been unbearable about it as it is.

Dean goes red just thinking about it actually.

After his smartass little ‘coming out of the closet’ joke (and wasn’t that just goddamn  _hilarious_ ), Sam laughed for another 5 minutes straight. Dean had stormed out of the room after about 2 of those minutes but Sam came and found him about half an hour later. Apparently, after he’d stopped laughing, Sam had told Cas all about their little adventure in Narnia, or wherever the fuck it was, and Cas hasn’t been able to look Dean in the eye since.

So yeah, that was eight days ago now and Dean’s been so busy trying to avoid Cas that he’s only just noticed that he has barely actually  _seen_  the guy since it happened. Well, except for a few fleeting minutes in the mornings when they awkwardly skirt round each other at breakfast. Good times.

“You know,” says Sam from his place behind his laptop, not even looking up from the screen, “you could just go and talk to him.”

And there Dean’s face goes again, flaring up like a beacon,  _the traitor_ , “What?”

Sam looks up then, with a sigh and a ridiculously dramatic roll of the eyes, “Dean, I’m not an idiot. I saw you with fake Cas, remember?”

Dean opens his mouth but shuts it again. He hasn’t turned the page of his book for the past hour and a half and he can’t really deny it. Sam shakes his head and looks back at his screen.

“Look, I know you’re avoiding him because you’re emotionally repressed and looking at him reminds you that you’ve got some pretty important feelings you don’t want to examine too closely, and  _he’s_  avoiding  _you_  because he thinks you’re disgusted by what you saw. But you’re not. So can you please just go talk to him already because I swear to God, Dean, the tension in this bunker is killing me. I’m starting to feel like a child of divorce or something.”

And yeah, okay, so his brother’s a  _little bitch,_  but… maybe he has a point. Dean’s not an idiot. He knows he acts like it sometimes, and other times he reckons it would be a lot easier if he  _were_  just oblivious, but he knows his feelings for Cas aren’t strictly platonic. Or platonic at all if you want to be all  _pedantic_  about it. And he wishes he could blame the wardrobe. It would be so much easier. But truth is, he’s wanted to kiss Cas for a long time, and all the wardrobe did was stop him being able to ignore it.

It’s also made it pretty impossible for Dean to get any sleep these days because he can’t help but wonder how many other universes there are out there. And how many of them have him and Cas  _together_. Just that one? Most of them? All of them? What if his own universe is the only one where Cas doesn’t want him like that? Dean’s pretty sure he doesn’t want to think about it.

But Sam’s right, and isn’t that just  _fantastic_. Dean can’t really put off this conversation any longer.

He sighs and gets up from the table, knuckles almost white around the book in his hands and  _damn_  he can’t even remember what it was he was meant to be researching.

Sam smirks again.

“Go get ‘im, Tiger,” he says with a wink. Dean throws the book at his head.

*

**(Day 4)**

“Mr. Winchester, Mr. Winchester!”

Cas turns around, startled. He’s standing in a classroom and the wardrobe he just fell through seems distinctly out of place with its ornate mahogany doors and rusted brass handles. He’s the only one in the room, and the knocking on the door seems to be meant for him. He looks down at his left hand and smiles. There’s a ring there.

“Come in!” He says, moving towards the desk at the front of the room, and a small boy almost tears through the door. He’s very young, maybe four years old, and he has dirt all over his hands.

“Mr. Winchester, Megan pushed me on the floor!” he says with a pout and Cas isn’t sure what he’s meant to do here.

He’s definitely talking to him and Cas can’t help the smile spreading across his face.  _Mr. Winchester_  he’d called him, so it seems they’re married in this universe too. He’s a teacher, a civilian, a  _human_  in this universe. And still he’s married to Dean.

He looks down at his hand again, taking in the blue shirt and navy sweater vest he’s also wearing and wonders how the wardrobe did it. It hasn’t bothered changing Cas’s attire the last few times he’s come through. Maybe it learns, maybe it adapts. At this point Cas can’t find it in himself to care.

He schools his smile into one a little more sympathetic and beckons the boy closer. It’s only when the boy is standing right in front of him that he remembers he doesn’t know his name.

“Billy!” comes a voice from the door and Cas’s heart almost stops in his chest. Dean’s there and he’s wearing a grey waistcoat over a white shirt and he’s crouching down to look the boy in the eye.

“Hey, Billy, what’s with the tears, buddy?” he asks and his eyes are so genuinely concerned, Cas feels his heart swell.

Billy sniffs and wipes his nose with his sleeve, “Megan pushed me on the ground and now my hands are all dirty and she has my robot!”

Dean frowns as if this is the biggest problem in his life right now and Cas’s heart thumps with the thought that maybe in this universe,  _it is_.

“I tell you what,” Dean says, “how about I go have a chat with Megan while the other Mr. Winchester here helps you get your hands all washed up?” He sends a small smile Cas’s way and Cas smiles back, nodding encouragingly at Billy when he turns to look up at him.

“Okay.” Billy says and Dean ruffles his hair as he stand up. He smiles warmly at Cas once more and then he’s gone again and Cas is still staring after him when he feels a small hand clutching one of his.

He smiles down at the boy by his side, “Okay then Billy,” he says, leading him out of the classroom, “let’s turn that frown upside down!”

He doesn’t even know where that phrase came from.

*

**(Day 5)**

He’s a soldier, from what he can tell.

He’s been out of the wardrobe for 5 minutes and he hasn’t seen anybody. He’s in some kind of tent, uncomfortable looking beds filling the space, and he’s wearing a uniform. There’s no ring on his finger.

From the smell in the air and the sounds from outside Cas reckons he’s in France, sometime during the second of the World Wars.

Before he can leave the tent, another man comes running in. He has tears on his face and when he sees Cas his eyes cloud with rage.

“You!” he shouts and he’s being punched in the face by a human Benny Lafitte in army uniform before he can even open his mouth.

“You son of a bitch!” Benny shouts down at him, his punch having sent Cas sprawling unprepared onto the ground, “You goddamn cowardly asshole!”

He kicks him, hard in the ribs, before he deflates and more tears start to wet his face. More figures are appearing at the tent doors now. Some he recognises, some he doesn’t, and he’s pretty sure that’s Gabriel he can see coming to calm Benny down but Benny shakes him off.

“We were counting on you!” he shouts, his voice cracking and Gabriel doesn’t stop him. No one does. “You were meant to be his  _friend_! And what, you just decide to fucking disappear on him? He was shouting himself hoarse!”

Cas feels an icy dread spreading through him.

“Where’s Dean?” he asks, because he knows. Somehow he knows.

Benny sinks down onto one of the beds, his head in his hands. Gabriel takes a shaky breath.

“Dean’s dead, Castiel.” he says, and Cas feels sick.

He flees back through the wardrobe and vows not to go through it again.

*

**(Day 6)**

He couldn’t help it.

It’s like a drug, this wardrobe, a compulsion. Four universes, he’s seen now, plus the one Sam described to him. In three of them, he and Dean had been married.

The first day, Cas had only stayed for half an hour, he’d just wanted to see the world Sam had described. He’d stepped out the wardrobe into a church with beautiful stained glass windows and been dragged by a red-haired woman, who he later found out was Charlie, into one of the chairs on the front row.

He’d watched as Sam and Dean stood themselves at the front of the church and flushed as Dean had caught his eye and winked, the gold band on his finger making Cas’s heart race. He watched Sam marry a pretty blonde girl and stayed long enough to be kissed by Dean after the happy couple left through the front doors.

He allowed himself to be led to a large white tent outside the church and he’d blushed again when Dean kissed him on the cheek and asked him to dance. He left through the wardrobe before he could say yes, or do something embarrassing like cry.

The second day he’d hesitated. The wardrobe clearly didn’t show the same universe twice and he was nervous. Still, he’d given in in the end, slipping away after breakfast and climbing carefully through the wardrobe.

Cas had opened the door to find himself standing in a bedroom. It was an ordinary looking room, with a comforter on the bed and pictures on the walls. There had been a white coat hanging on the door and a folded firefighter’s uniform on the chair next to it.

There had been no rings on their fingers this time, but a picture on the bedside table had showed the two of them sitting on a beach, grinning like fools, arms wrapped around each other.

Dean was asleep in the large double bed and Cas’s heart had beat faster when he realised he was shirtless. When he’d woken up, he’d pulled Cas down into the bed with him and rolled on top of him for a sleepy kiss.

“Morning, Dr. Novak,” he’d said with a soft smile, resting his forehead against Cas’s, and Cas hadn’t left that universe all day.

His third day visiting the wardrobe had taken him to the classroom. He’d later found out the two of them had met 5 years previously when they’d both started teaching kindergarten at a school in Kansas. It had taken them 2 years to finally admit they’d sort of been in love with each other since the beginning and another year on top of that for Dean to propose.

He’d gone home with Dean that day to a house full of cheerful Christmas decorations. Sam had turned up for dinner with a dark-haired wife and a little girl with his eyes. He hadn’t stopped smiling the whole time he was there.

He doesn’t want to end on yesterday’s universe. He doesn’t want that to be the last one he sees. Benny crying and blaming him for something the Cas in that universe didn’t even choose to do. The words still ring in his ears,  _Dean’s dead, Dean’s dead, Dean’s dead._

So he takes a shaky breath and climbs through again.

When he stumbles out into the motel room, there isn’t a ring on his finger and his clothes are well worn and  _plaid_. There are knives on one of the beds and books on various types of lore scattered on the table.

The sound of wings comes from behind him and Cas spins round, alarmed. Then his jaw drops.

It’s Dean. Standing straighter than usual and a look of amused confusion on his face.

“Uh, Cas? You okay there?”

“Uh…” Cas says, jaw still hanging slightly open. Dean chuckles and reaches forward with two gentle fingers to close Cas’s mouth. Cas flushes again.

“Dude, seriously!” Dean says, running his fingers over the pinkness of Cas’s cheeks, “You’re acting like you did the first day we met! Need me to flash my wings again?” he smirks and Cas can’t breathe.

Dean’s the angel.

He’s the hunter and  _Dean’s the angel_.

“Um, yes actually,” he finds himself saying, “That would be nice.”

And Dean laughs and rolls his eyes fondly, “I  _knew_  you had a secret wing kink!” he says and a pair of huge golden brown wings span the room. Cas isn’t sure if he’s breathless from the wings or the way Dean is kissing him.

*

**(Day 7)**

On Cas’s sixth day through the wardrobe he only stays five minutes.

When he steps through into the familiar setting of the bunker he hears what he thinks is AC/DC playing from the garage a couple of rooms down. He opens the door to see Dean shirtless and bent over the Impala, a smear of grease across his cheek and a light layer of sweat making his back glow golden where the light from the window hits it.

Cas leaves before his heart can actually beat out of his chest.

*

**(Day 8)**

Cas is young when he steps out of the wardrobe today. He steps out into a school and when he sees himself reflected in one of the windows he looks about 17.

He wanders the hallway for a few minutes before he hears a familiar voice. He heard it a few days ago; screaming at him for letting them down.

“I’m telling you, Brother, there ain’t no way you’re gonna get a no. That boy’s been in love with you since you were 5.”

Cas peers round the door to see a group of teenagers standing by the lockers. One of them is Dean, brilliant and beautiful and looking for all the world like he wants to throw up. The one speaking had been Benny, smiling fondly at Dean while Charlie and Jo make poor attempts to hide their laughter.

Sam’s there too, looking very young, maybe around 13, and the four of them seem to be giving Dean some sort of pep talk.

“You don’t know that, dude.” Dean sighs and even from here, Cas can see Benny roll his eyes.

“Come on, Dean,” Sam says, clapping his big brother on the shoulder, “You gotta trust us on this one. You know you’ll regret it if you don’t at least try!”

Cas makes himself known then, coming to stand next to Charlie before Dean raises his head and sees him.

“Try what?” he asks and Dean’s head shoots up so fast it probably hurt his neck, and his eyes go wide.

“Cas!” he says, startled and Benny snorts. Dean glares at them until they back off a little, but they’re obviously still listening. Cas smiles. Jo’s not even trying to hide her staring.

“What’s going on, Dean?” he asks, head tilted to one side in confusion and something about that makes Dean’s face soften.

“Cas, uh – ” he coughs nervously and licks his lips, looking down, and Cas wonders where this Dean picked up the habit of wringing his hands, “Cas, look, I know we’ve been best friends for like,  _forever_  and everything, but – ”

“But what, Dean?” Cas asks, worried all of a sudden that this Dean doesn’t even want his friendship.

Dean sighs, “But, I – ” He lets out a long breath and closes his eyes, “But I was wondering if maybeyouwantedtogotothepromwithme?”

Cas blinks and Dean cracks open on eye to look at him.

“Pardon?” Cas asks, trying to ignore the snickering coming from Charlie. Dean huffs and opens both eyes, pushing out his chest and folding his arms defensively and Cas smiles to himself because he’s seen this so many times.

“I was just asking,” Dean says slower, still not quite meeting Cas’s eyes and cheeks bright red, “if maybe you’d like to go to the prom with me.”

Cas’s heart is thumping against his chest and for a second he feels bad for stealing this moment from the actual Cas from this universe. Because he’s pretty sure this would have been the best moment of his whole life.

“Look, I know we’re friends and I know you probably don’t really, you know, want anything more than that but it’s senior year so… it’s now or never right?” Dean’s backing away a bit now, shoulders slumping and Cas feels bad for not saying anything sooner.

He isn’t sure what proper teenage etiquette says about this, and he also isn’t sure if it’s appropriate behaviour for school, but Cas surges forward and kisses Dean anyway, hands threading through his hair, kissing the word  _yes_  into every freckle his lips can reach.

Dean is laughing now, relieved and a little tearful, and Benny is whistling loudly somewhere to his right.

Cas leaves soon after the principal reprimands them for inappropriate behaviour.

*

When Cas gets back to his own universe his heart almost jumps out of his throat, and then sinks all the way down to his toes. Dean is leaning against the doorway, arms folded and eyebrow raised and yeah, there’s no way Cas can talk his way out of this one.

They don’t say anything for a few minutes. Cas frozen to the spot, eyes wide and scared. He’s pretty sure there’s an 80% chance Dean is going to hit him and he really doesn’t think he can blame him. Cas thinks there might be some kind of moral issue with what he’s been doing: sneaking into worlds he doesn’t belong in, pretending to be another version of himself to claim kisses from his best friend. A best friend who clearly doesn’t want to give them to him in this life.

“So,” Dean says, pushing himself off the door frame and coming to stand right in front of him. Cas looks at his feet. “This is where you’ve been hiding all week, huh?”

Cas exhales and closes his eyes. His emotions are all over the place and he thinks he can feel the beginnings of tears pricking at the back of his eyes.

“Cas.” Dean says softly, and two gentle fingers come up to lift Cas’s chin. This happened before, in one of the universes, and Cas tries so hard not to think of soft lips on his. “Cas, why d’you keep going back?”

Cas swallows and looks away again. “It’s different every time.” He says, feeling Dean’s eyes on the side of his face, “A different universe each time.”

Dean nods and Cas can’t help but look back at him.

“Okay,” he says slowly, “How many have you seen?”

 “Seven.” Cas blushes, “Not including the one you and Sam visited.”

Dean nods again. “So that’s eight.”

Cas nods dumbly.

“And in how many of them were we…you know.” Dean swallows, “ _Together._ ”

Cas can feel his heart hammering at his chest and he’s worried that if Dean comes any closer that he’ll be able to hear it. He’s inches away now and Cas is trying  _so hard_  to keep himself from leaning forward.

“All of them.” He says eventually, because even in the ones where there wasn’t a ring on his finger,  _he knew_.

“Huh,” Dean says and Cas can’t keep his eyes from flickering downwards when Dean licks his lips, “Huh.”

And then they’re kissing. Cas’s back hits the wardrobe before he can even process what’s happening and Dean’s mouth is right there against his, licking and sucking at Cas’s bottom lip until Cas is shaking beneath him and opening his mouth in a gasp that Dean swallows with a groan.

And Cas has to run his hands over every inch of Dean that he can reach just to believe that this is  _his_  Dean from  _his_  universe and this is  _happening_. There are strong arms around his waist, holding him so tightly against a chest so  _familiar_  yet so  _different_  because this Dean is  _his_. And suddenly all the other Deans seem like shadows. Like empty, cold, meaningless kisses compared to this, because this kiss is so  _warm_  and this Dean tastes like home.

They don’t let go of each other for a long time. They kiss and they kiss and they kiss and when Dean smiles too much to continue, Cas kisses constellations into his skin using the freckles he’s still determined to count one day. Eventually Dean manages to extract himself from Cas’s grip and when Cas pouts grumpily at him he laughs and kisses it away. He takes one of his hands in his and pulls him out of the room.

“Sammy!” He shouts and Sam pokes his head out from his bedroom down the hall. He grins when he sees their joined hands and Cas can’t help but grin back.

“Burn that damn wardrobe for us, will you?” Dean says and then drags Cas with him into his room.

Later, when it’s dark and Dean is asleep next to him, Cas traces the freckles littering Dean’s back and thinks of him leaning over the Impala covered in grease. He thinks of golden brown wings and sweater vests and high school proms and all the universes that must still be out there and he smiles. Dean shifts in his sleep and Cas presses his smile into the handprint on his shoulder. This universe is definitely his favourite.


End file.
